Give Yourself Some Room to Breathe

We live in a world where technology is ruling and reigning. There are so many things that we rely on technology for and most of us can't imagine life without it. Television, internet, smart phones, and so much more!

While an increase in technology is useful and does make life easier at times, it also makes life more stressful at times too. When your computer freezes up, or your internet won't connect, your phone dies... it can really ruin your day fast!!

I have recently discovered one area of technology though, that gives me more stress than any other. My smart phone. I love my phone! I will willingly admit that I have an addiction to my phone. I struggle to put it down. However, I finally discovered something that has given me a measure of freedom and a slight reduction in stress!!

One of the best things I have done in the last few months is start turning OFF my notifications on my phone. Every ding or vibration or little red number in the corner of an app telling me there is something that I haven't yet seen makes my OCD tendencies take over. I can't concentrate or rest until I see what the new sound is about or until I clear every last red notification off of every last app.

A few months back my life got so crazy that I decided to take a break from Facebook for a while. It was just stressing me out!! I deactivated my account and I deleted the app off my phone. After almost 2 months, I logged back on, but I did not put the app back on my phone. After a little while longer, I downloaded the app again, but I turned the notifications off just for my Facebook.

I only logged on when I decided to, not every time my phone dinged at me or showed me a notification. That was bliss y'all!! I mean, finally, I was controlling my social media instead of letting my social media control me. I stopped worrying about what I was missing and realized I wasn't really missing anything!! Everything was still there when I logged back on.

This made me think about other things that would pop up on my phone. Do I really need to know every single time an email comes in? No, because most of my emails are junk mail that gets deleted anyway. Not many are legit to begin with.

Or how about all those game notifications? I have a few games that I do enjoy playing on my phone, but is it necessary for me to know the very minute my lives are refilled or what today's special deal is in game coins and gems that I am not going to buy anyway? No!!

Then there was other social media like Pinterest. I LOVE Pinterest, I really do!! But the only notifications I really ever got from Pinterest were telling me about friends new boards or pins that I might like. I almost always just cleared the notifications but never really looked at the suggestions.

I kept considering all of my notifications over time. As if this moment, the only notifications that I leave on on my phone is my phone calls and my texts messages. That is it y'all.

I have discovered that not only do I not miss them, I am saving time, energy, and my sanity by just getting onto whatever I want to on my own time. Not anyone or anything else's.

It's bliss!! Seriously!! If you are like me and feel a desperate need to keep your notifications clear and to answer things the minute you get them... give yourself a break and just see how it feels!! Try it for 30 days!! Then come back here and let me know how it goes for you!!

The holidays are a great time to trim your electronic media exposure!! Spend more time with family and less time staring at your phone screen! Try it out!! You might just like it!!

#30DayChallenge
#TimeToRefocus
#TakeYourLifeBack
#SomeThingsCanWait

I Need an Edge

My life is pretty hectic most days. I work full time in a job that quite frankly can be tedious at best. Day in and day out crunching numbers and working with spreadsheets is often times exhausting!

I am also a wife and a mom. A mom to both a teenager and a toddler. Yeah, I am sure God gets a good laugh at setting me up for that!! Parenting toddlers is hard. Parenting teenagers is hard. Parenting both at once is well... insane!!

Housework is never ending, picking up toys, dishes, laundry, picking up toys, cooking, bath time, picking up toys, story time, brushing teeth, changing diaper, and did I mention picking up toys?

Our family is active in our church and also attends Celebrate Recovery 2 nights a week. Boil it all down, and this mom is stretched thin and exhausted all of the time! I drink coffee but it doesn't really seem to help a whole lot. I also am pretty confident that I have a blood sugar issue. Every time a I eat (and it doesn't often matter what I eat) I crash. I either fall asleep or spend a ton of energy fighting sleep. 

What am I hoping for in Plexus Edge?

• Help staying awake during the day
• Energy to complete my laundry list of to do's
• An easier time focusing on the task in front of me
• Less distractions mentally
• Feeling better to even WANT to tackle my to do list

Today is Monday... for this tired and busy mom... on a Monday... I definitely need an edge!! Keep following my blog to find out if it actually works for me!!

Plexus Week 1 Recap

Plexus Slim

I am actually coming up on the two week mark from when I started my Plexus Journey, but I am just going to talk about week 1 right now.

First of all, consistency is key with this product, and I stink at consistency!! HA!! I did struggle to actually take all three products everyday. I would forget, or fall asleep, or something... but I took them as soon as I remembered too!! I will get better at this!!

I can't speak to weight loss yet because I don't have a scale at home. I do have a Wii Fit and I am going to get that set back up and use the weigh in function on it, I just haven't done that yet!! I am not too convinced of it's accuracy, but I guess it would be better than nothing.

One thing I can say with certainty, is that I am sleeping harder (better) than I was before. I am not getting more sleep, but the sleep I am getting is definitely a deeper, better sleep! I am believing that this will continue to improve even more!!

Week 1 is definitely a great indication that some good things are coming!!

Step Study Successes and Life Change

Hi, my name is Brenda, I am a grateful believer in Jesus and I am in Recovery for Anxiety, Depression, Codependency, and Love and Relationship Addiction.

If you come to celebrate recovery (CR) with me, this is what you might hear me say when it is my turn to speak in small group or step study. What I typically don’t say is that I am overcoming self-harm. Not because I won’t admit it, but because for me it has been a result of the Anxiety… so in regards to my recovery, Anxiety recovery has been my focus.

I say that just as a little background info to help you understand the rest of what I want to share today. I began my first ever CR Step Study back in February (I think). I was excited but really had no idea what to expect and honestly didn’t have any real expectations. I thought it could be a good thing, but I wasn’t expecting any major life change.

Last night as I finished my very last written assignment for this Step Study, I realized a few things. First of all, for all the days that I felt like this would never end, I made it!! 9 months later, I made it to the end of Step Study!! WOW!!

Secondly… I really had experienced some life change, it just happened so subtly, one day at a time, one moment at a time, that I hadn’t been able to notice it along the way. So what exactly changed and why?

When I started step study, I would only say that I was in recovery for Anxiety, Depression and Codependency. One change is that I learned that I have a Love and Relationship Addiction. Now, if you don’t know what that is (and it honestly can be different things for different people) let me explain what it is for me.

My husband and I have been together for 15 years, married for 14. We haven’t had a perfect marriage. Life gets in the way and it is HARD! Through the process of Step Study and sharing my inventory with my sponsor, I was lovingly advised, that I had put my husband in the roll of God in my life. That I was hurt by my husband’s shortcomings, but it wasn’t so much because of his shortcomings (we all have them, we are all human) it was because I was depending on him to be for me what only God could be for me. So when he failed (and he would, because no one but God can fill those God size holes in our hearts) then I would be hurt and upset at him. I was holding him to an unreasonable standard. I was depending on my husband to give me the love and security that I thought I needed to be ok, but the only love and security that I need to be ok is the love and security that I can find in Jesus. Now, this is a new revelation to me and I will not say that I have overcome this… but I am now aware of it, and I can work the steps and work on letting God fill those holes… there are plenty that need to be filled!!

The other thing that has happened over the course of this step study, is that I have managed 7 months without using self-harm as a coping mechanism. I hadn’t even really thought about it until the last few weeks. I still have a lot of anxiety and I still have occasional panic attacks, but I have not coped with it using self-harm. That in itself is huge, but considering the fact that the last few months have been the hardest of my life, to say that I have managed to get through the days (and long, dark, HARD nights) without turning to that coping mechanism is pretty huge! THANK YOU JESUS and THANK YOU CELEBRATE RECOVERY!!!

Now for the story of why. The ultimate reason that these things are changing is because of Jesus Christ. He is the only one who I can credit to for this. However, one of the greatest blessings that I believe Jesus gives us in life is community.

Before Step Study, I attended CR but I didn’t make many connections. That wasn’t because the opportunity wasn’t there, but because I really didn’t want to. I struggle with large groups and I usually just feel invisible and do not do a good job at all of reaching outside of myself in those situations. Step Study gave me a community of women to lean on. People to call or text. People to pray. People to love me and become new lifelong friends!!

Along with community, Step Study also gave me accountability. This community of women cared enough to check on me and see how I was doing. I gained a Sponsor to help me along this recovery journey. She has both loved and encouraged me as well as pushed and challenged me.

Step Study has also given me a plan. A written plan for overcoming life’s hurts, habits and hang ups. It has given me tools to use to go from where I am in life to somewhere better! The CR curriculum is amazing, but ultimately what makes it so amazing, is it is a step by step guide to bring me closer to Jesus and allowing him to work on the places inside of me that need healing or need change.

I have a friend who has consistently said, “we weren’t meant to live life alone” and I believe that now more than I ever have before. I am thankful for my new community in Christ. I am thankful for my Step Sisters, both the ones who love on me and the ones who hold my feet to the fire. And I am thankful for my Sponsor. I’m not sure I would have even finished this step study without her, and now I honestly can’t wait until I can sign up for another one!!

Letting Go of Mom Guilt

 

Mom guilt. Every mom I know deals with it on some level or another. Here is a secret that I have recently discovered surrounding mom guilt... The more "mommy articles" that get fed to me through Facebook and other social media, the worse the mom guilt gets.

Did you know that every article you read online isn't always right? Wow, that is a shocker isn't it!! Even if it contains solid advice, it doesn't mean that what you are doing is wrong! Those posts with numbered lists are the worst ones in my opinion for fueling the mom guilt we already struggle enough to get past.

Today I read an article that was called "7 things your child should know how to do before they turn 13". Well now, that is an article worth reading since I have a 13 year old who will actually be 14 here in a couple of weeks. No friends... that was a trap! A judgement trap. As I read this article, my mind immediately started comparing my 13 year old to this online list. Some of the things he knows how to do and does, some of them he doesn't. That immediately made me start judging myself and thinking that I haven't taught him enough in life.

And then reality hit... who is to say what he needs to know by the time he is 13? I am pretty sure that is my job as his mom and not the job of some random person out in cyberspace to tell me how much my child is lacking. He knows a lot and he can fend for himself when necessary. He can do his own laundry and cook basic meals. He may not mow the lawn or do major projects around the house, but he is 13! He isn't the adult in the house. He has chores and he has responsibilities. He is a well rounded kid.

We don't have to buy into this type of mom guilt! There are plenty of legitimate reasons to question ourselves as moms, we don't need an internet article to make us question even more!!

So, next time you see an article titled, "10 things your toddler should master before their 3rd birthday" do yourself a favor and just skip reading it!! I mean, we all know that our babies grow and learn at exactly the same pace, right? We did know that didn't we? Oh wait... no... our babies are human beings! They are each unique and no two babies are exactly alike! They don't grow teeth at the same pace or eat new foods at the same pace. They don't learn to use the potty at the same time (ask me about this week's potty training story if you want to know what we are currently facing in our home... you will laugh... I didn't, but you will!!) or learn to speak at the same pace. They are their own unique person and that is MORE THAN OK!! Celebrate your babies for who God made them to be!! Love them for who they are!!

When you are finished loving on them, love yourself too for the fantastic mom that you are!! From one mom to another... You are loved, you are beautiful, and you are an absolutely AMAZING mom to your babies!! You feed them, you clothe them, you love them, you educate them... you my friend are ROCKING this mom thing!!

Triplex Day 1

Today is day one of my Plexus Journey!! There were only two times prior to today that I have taken any Plexus products. Once was when I had a really bad headache and a coworker of mine offered me pack of her Plexus Slim to try to see if it helped. The other time, I participated in a Plexus Facebook party and won a 3 day sample of Triplex. I say that to say that while I have had some exposure to Plexus in the past, I have never committed to taking their products long term until now.

Since it is only day one, I can't tell a whole lot so far. I have been really tired today, but I don't think that is because of the Plexus. I don't get a lot of sleep most nights and all my nights of little sleep are catching up to me!!

Since I just started taking these supplements, instead of talking about changes in me (that aren't there now but will definitely come in time) I wanted to just share with you what products are in the Triplex and how I am going to be taking them. I will also include links to them on the website so you can see the labels and everything that is in them.

First up is the Plexus Slim "Pink Drink". The package directions say to take this up to twice a day 30-60 minutes before a meal. It comes in a small drink mix packet. You just tear it open and mix it with a bottle of water! Super EASY!!

The taste is good! It definitely isn't hard to drink. It is a raspberry, lemon, watermelon flavor combination. Not too shabby at all!!

For now, I am just going to drink this once a day. I am drinking this first thing in the morning before breakfast. (Although, in the spirit of honesty, I rarely actually eat breakfast anyway)!

The next part of the Triplex is the Bio Cleanse. This product is supposed to help clean out your intestinal tract. It is a mild detox and cleanse supplement designed to reduce gas, bloating and discomfort and help promote regularity.

The package directions say to take 2 of these supplements twice a day in between meals. I took one dose at 10 AM and will take the other one around 3 PM.

ProBio 5 is the last of the three products in the Triplex Combo. It is designed to help restore balance to your gut! It is a probiotic and is supposed to be taken either with a meal or at bedtime.

Since I haven't taken this yet, I can't give much feedback on it today, but I will take it when I go to bed tonight.

The last part of this equation is water, water, and way more water!! Ha!! This will be a challenge for me but so far I have had about 64 ounces today! That is still not enough, but it is far more than I normally drink.


The Journey has only begun for me and I really am excited to see some change from the inside out!!

The Giving End of Grace

Grace is one of the greatest gifts a person can receive whether that grace comes from God or from another human being. The idea of grace is appealing to all of us and it should be! No matter how close we are to the Lord, we are all imperfect humans who occasionally mess up. Some of us mess up more often than others, but none of us are perfect. That is where grace and forgiveness come into the picture.

We love the idea of grace and forgiveness when we are on the receiving end, but how do we feel about it when we are the one who needs to extend it to someone else. When it is our turn to forgive and extend grace to another, how excited do we get? For some people maybe it depends… on the circumstances, on the level of offense, on the hurt you feel, or on any other number of factors.

How often do we determine our willingness to extend grace based on “how bad” the offense was of the person we need to extend grace to? I would venture to say, at least initially, that it factors into our thought process nearly every time we are faced with the decision. That is our human nature I suppose. We somehow think that in order to extend grace the other person has to earn it, or show remorse, or change. But that isn’t what grace is at all.

Grace according to the dictionary is an unmerited, undeserved, act of kindness, courtesy, or clemency. Clemency gets into the legal realm… the only people who request clemency are people who have been found guilty and sentenced. Prisoners on death row are sometimes granted clemency by the Governor and spared their life. Ya’ll… this grace thing isn’t for perfect people; it is for imperfect, guilty people.

Grace and forgiveness are a blessing to the receiver, but it is also freedom for the giver! Extending grace does not mean excusing behavior. It doesn’t mean that you continue to put yourself in a position where someone can continue to hurt you. It doesn’t mean that you don’t expect better in the future. But what it does do is it removes the weight and burden from the giver. What the receiver of grace does isn’t the issue… what giving grace does for the giver is.

Let’s get really honest for a minute though. Most of us don’t hesitate to extend grace because we want to be bitter or hold onto the past. Most of us just want a better tomorrow. We want things to be different. We want things to change. We want the other person to learn and grown and be different in the future. We think that we need to see the change before we can give the grace. That is nice when that can happen, but in all honesty, that probably won’t be your reality.

I read an article online today where the writer said, “Shame didn’t teach me. Grace did. And I didn’t learn grace by hearing about it, but by being the recipient of it.”

What a powerful statement. Is it possible, that the results we are hoping for by putting our foot down, and demanding change before we offer grace, are the exact results we could obtain if we offer grace instead of demanding change. What if grace is actually the catalyst for change?

I would love to hear your stories! I know you all have some!! How has swallowing your pride and showing grace to others resulted in change in your life? Leave your story in the comments!!

Hurting But Hopeful

It has been almost three months since my last post. Heartfelt I am... but consistent I am not!! A whole lot has happened in the last three months. Very little of it has been anything good to talk about. Most of it has been hard...very hard. Some of it has completely wrecked me.

I have tried to make sense of my circumstances and they just don't make sense. I have tried to understand and rationalize, and I just can't. I have tried to find some sort of answer where there is no answer to be found. The only answer I can find right now, is that even through all of the pain, there is still hope.

There is an entire section in Romans 12 that talks about how we are to live as Christians in this world. There are a lot of instructions... love your neighbor, be fervent in serving the Lord, help those around you, hate what is evil and cling to what is good, just to name a few. But verse 12 speaks volumes to me right now in the place that I am walking in.

"rejoicing in hope, patient in tribulation, continuing steadfastly in prayer"

These three things are listed under this section in Romans about how to behave as a Christian. I understand being patient in tribulation and continuing steadfastly in prayer. Rejoicing in Hope is a little bit harder for me to comprehend.

Hope is a word that has eluded me for many years. When I hear people talk about Hope, I just can't grasp that concept very easily. I think mostly because of my personality. I need things to be laid out for me, in a clear, concise, explainable way. Hope is not a tangible thing, so it is much harder for me to accept.

Romans 8:24-25 helps me sort it out somewhat...  

"... hope that is seen is not hope; for why does one still hope for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we eagerly wait for it with perseverance."

Me and my need for tangible, concrete, black and white stuff in life is just out of luck when it comes to HOPE! Hope is not tangible, concrete, or black and white... and if it were it wouldn't be hope, it would be something else. Then I came across Hebrews 6:19-20. 

"This hope we have as an anchor of the soul, both sure and steadfast, and which enters the Presence behind the veil, where the forerunner has entered for us, even Jesus, having become High Priest forever according to the order of Melchizedek."

Jesus is my hope, an anchor of the soul, sure and steadfast... those words are pretty concrete, and tangible, and black and white... It is a hard and fast promise. Not a maybe... or an If I'm good enough... or lucky enough... but a sure and steadfast anchor of my hurting soul.

What exactly am I hoping for? Peace. Internal peace... That is it. Nothing more. I am not sure that my circumstances will change and no matter what I do, I certainly can't make them change... so my hope in Jesus isn't a hope that my circumstances will change. It is only a hope for my own inner peace.

Identity Crisis Diverted

Our family began attending Celebrate Recovery back in September of last year. When I mention Celebrate Recovery, some people look at me funny but some are actually brave enough to just say what they were thinking... "Why do you go to celebrate recovery? You aren't an addict are you"? No. I'm not an addict, but when someone tells you that Celebrate Recovery is for EVERYONE you should definitely believe them!

In the beginning, I was attending to support a loved one in their recovery journey. I had no idea how much I needed it for myself. I have spent years struggling with Anxiety, Depression, Codependency, and occasionaly self-harm. I knew the self-harm was a bad thing and an "issue" but the rest of it, I didn't lable as a problem. Instead, I told myself that it was a part of my personality. I told myself that God created me this way and that it was just "who I am". I would tell myself that being depressed more than happy, anxious and nervous to the point of injuring myself, and worrying constantly about everyone else that mattered to me in my life to the point of driving myself further and further into that anxious cycle that eventually led to self harming again... I told myself that all of that ridiculous hot mess of how I was living my life... I told myself that that was "How God Made Me".

That was a big fat ugly lie from satan himself!! Anxiety and Depression are not who I am as a person. They are not a part of my personality. They are not a never ending part of my life. Life is hard. Good days and bad days come. There are all kinds of factors that contribute to Anxiety and Depression and I will not sit here and say that someone can just "snap out of it" or change how they feel and think overnight. Not at all!! In a lot of cases, Anxiety and Depression are real medical issues and should not be ignored. But, they are not an ingrained part of anyones existence.

Growing up in Christian School and Church I was raised to belive that God made me who I am and that He loves me for who I am. And that is true!! But isn't it interesting the way satan can twist what God intends for good and try and turn it into something bad. Yes, God loves me for who I am, but His plan for my life is not to stay a broken, depressed, anxious hot mess!! He is a GOOD FATHER and he wants better for me. While He may allow hard times, He allows them to build character and help me to get closer to Him. He does not allow them for me to take them on as my personal identiy!!

 Jesus and Celebrate Recovery are helping me to get through the day to day. I still don't know exactly how to do it all and I will still struggle... ALOT; but I will no longer accept my anxiety, depression, and codependency as a part of my design. They are a struggle of this life. They are NOT what God created me for!!

The God that I Know

I heard this song on the radio last week and I immediately shared it with a friend of mine. I really couldn't put into words what I was feeling until the next day. Her reply back to me was, "that's some great blogging right there!!" I laughed, because I had actually started typing on an old blog of mine, but then I decided to delete it. Enjoy the song, let it sink in, and then read what stood out to me about it! I would love to hear what stood out to you in the comments!! 



Probably the single most difficult spiritual/emotional battle for me is getting myself lined up with the truth. I know what is true. I know the word of God. I know what God says. I know who God is. But I struggle constantly with my own thoughts and feelings. I can be the first one to encourage someone else, but I never quite believe the same things I say to them for me.

"Fear"... fear is worry, is anxiety... and it creates feelings... 

I am not:

• pretty enough
• good enough
• loved
• wanted
• worthy
• worth anything

First, the whole entire song is 100% where I am... every word. But when it said "There's a place where fear has to face the God you know" over and over again... it was like something inside of me clicked. 

Not that I "Feel" any different, but it was just a reminder that God is going to take care of this. This battle IS going to face the reality of the God that I KNOW!! Not the God that I feel right now (because I am not feeling much to be very honest). The fact that I feel so distant and far from God right now is not fun and not where I want to be, but it is ok. It is ok because it isn't about the God that I feel. It is about the God that I KNOW!! And the thing about that is, no matter what I feel like... we all know that when God faces anything... He wins!!! 

 I don't really even think this song is going to change how I feel, but it was just a breather. It was "permission" to walk through where I am, feeling distant, without it being another thing to beat myself up about. Does it mean I want it to stay this way? Absolutely NOT!! But maybe it is ok that I feel the way I do... just for now.

Like Birthing a Baby

I have been sick this week with a sinus infection/cold. I realized as I was sitting in the doctors office waiting to see the doctor, that I had not been to my primary care doctor in over a year. The outcome was the same both visits, diagnosis of a sinus infection/cold and a prescription for a z pack to help clear it all up.

While both visits to my primary care doctor seemed in their charts to be similar or even identical, they were very different experiences for me. The reason I made the appointment over a year ago, was because I felt miserable. I was convinced that I had the flu. I was sick, yes, but I was so drained and tired. I had no energy, and my symptoms felt way worse than a common cold. I felt like I had been run over by a mack truck!! I ended up home from work for an entire week just for a sinus infection.

I left puzzled that all it was was a sinus infection. Grateful, but puzzled. Why did I feel so awful? What was causing the dramatic difference between how I felt and my reality?

After a week or so, I was feeling some better but still very tired. About two weeks after that, I found out that I was pregnant with my daughter! Not just newly pregnant, but 16 weeks pregnant!! Whoa!! After the shock of that wore off a little bit, I thought back to me being sick. I realized that I felt so much worse than I actually was, because of the pregnancy and I just didn't know it at the time.

Fast forward to this week's visit. I took one day off work to rest, but was back at work this morning. A coworker asked me how I was feeling... then she asked me if I was pregnant again!! I answered that with a big fat NO!!

This all got me thinking. Life is a lot like this sometimes. We have some issue in our life, some circumstance, some problem to solve and it seems so hard. It is the elephant in the room. It makes us so tired and worn out. It makes us feel so bad and we think that it is the worst thing that we have ever faced. What we don't realize, is that there is something else inside of us that is contributing to the weight of the problem. There is way more to it that what you see on the surface.

I am not very far into this journey to freedom. I have a long way to go. But I feel like Jesus is showing me this week, that finding freedom from what is holding you back and weighing you down, is similar to birthing a baby. Reaching down deep into the inner, most deepest holes in your soul, and pulling out whatever is in there. Once it is out, in the light, no longer suppressed, then life will begin to get easier. Everyday circumstances won't seem like World War III anymore.

Birthing a baby is process. 9 months of pregnancy and varying degrees of time and difficulty for the delivery of every baby born. Everyone is different and everyone's story and process will be different. It won't be quick and it won't be easy, but I am convinced that it will be worth it!! Once the process is through, then when life throws a sinus infection your way, it will feel more like a regular sinus infection, and less like the flu.

Why Blog About Something You Haven’t Achieved?

So, here is the scoop ya’ll. I am just beginning a search for true freedom from all that I struggle with. I don’t have it all together. I don’t even have a fraction of it together. I wake up every day struggling to get out of bed and face the world. I go to sleep every night struggling to shut everything off… all the mess that is inside my head.

I am not here to act like I know what’s up or can give any kind of rational advice. For me, blogging about this journey isn’t about giving advice, or sharing wisdom. I don’t personally think I have much advice to give and I definitely am not the wisest among us. Blogging is nothing more than sharing my story. It is helpful for me to process my thoughts and feelings and if I’m lucky, someone out in cyberspace might find something I write and it might help them out. If taking the time to write this blog helps even one person with even one issue they might be up against, then every thought, every minute, every technical issue I may have to work through… it is all worth it.

As I sit and think, or listen to a song on the radio, or listen to some of my friends speak words of life over me… I often have side thoughts. I often get thrust into some other train of thought, where usually, Jesus takes my hand and shows me something I desperately needed to see. I feel as though some of those thoughts are valuable, not just to me… but to others like me. That is my only purpose here. To share my story, my journey, my Jesus… with whoever might be reading along.

Finding Freedom

If you had asked me several years ago if I was free, I probably would have either looked at you funny wondering exactly what you meant, or I would have said a resounding YES!! I was born and raised in the United States of America... Land of the free. I was raised in a Christian school and church and I would have told you that Jesus saved me and I was free from sin and death.

I would have said those things... but it would have been a lie. Not a willing lie, but a lie none the less. Freedom is not found in where you live or how you were raised. It isn't found by being able to do as you please. I might ruffle some feathers with this statement, but bear with me. Freedom isn't even found in being a saved, born again Christian. Don't get me wrong, that is definitely a first step to freedom, but salvation in and of itself, is just the beginning. It is the beginning of something amazingly beautiful, and it is imperative for your eternity, but still, it is just the beginning.

I have taken that first step on this journey... and I have taken several others that I will share along the way. But friends, while I am saved and free in Jesus, His daughter, and heir to a heavenly home, there are still things in this life that have me bound. There are things that I am struggling with. Satan doesn't leave us alone when we accept Christ into our lives and hearts. Oh no... he ups his game. And if we don't up ours, we will find ourselves bound, struggling, hurting, and feeling empty and alone.

I'm currently all of the above... but I have a plan and a God who is going to change that. I don't know about you, but I am ready to up my game.