Identity Crisis Diverted

Our family began attending Celebrate Recovery back in September of last year. When I mention Celebrate Recovery, some people look at me funny but some are actually brave enough to just say what they were thinking... "Why do you go to celebrate recovery? You aren't an addict are you"? No. I'm not an addict, but when someone tells you that Celebrate Recovery is for EVERYONE you should definitely believe them!

In the beginning, I was attending to support a loved one in their recovery journey. I had no idea how much I needed it for myself. I have spent years struggling with Anxiety, Depression, Codependency, and occasionaly self-harm. I knew the self-harm was a bad thing and an "issue" but the rest of it, I didn't lable as a problem. Instead, I told myself that it was a part of my personality. I told myself that God created me this way and that it was just "who I am". I would tell myself that being depressed more than happy, anxious and nervous to the point of injuring myself, and worrying constantly about everyone else that mattered to me in my life to the point of driving myself further and further into that anxious cycle that eventually led to self harming again... I told myself that all of that ridiculous hot mess of how I was living my life... I told myself that that was "How God Made Me".

That was a big fat ugly lie from satan himself!! Anxiety and Depression are not who I am as a person. They are not a part of my personality. They are not a never ending part of my life. Life is hard. Good days and bad days come. There are all kinds of factors that contribute to Anxiety and Depression and I will not sit here and say that someone can just "snap out of it" or change how they feel and think overnight. Not at all!! In a lot of cases, Anxiety and Depression are real medical issues and should not be ignored. But, they are not an ingrained part of anyones existence.

Growing up in Christian School and Church I was raised to belive that God made me who I am and that He loves me for who I am. And that is true!! But isn't it interesting the way satan can twist what God intends for good and try and turn it into something bad. Yes, God loves me for who I am, but His plan for my life is not to stay a broken, depressed, anxious hot mess!! He is a GOOD FATHER and he wants better for me. While He may allow hard times, He allows them to build character and help me to get closer to Him. He does not allow them for me to take them on as my personal identiy!!

 Jesus and Celebrate Recovery are helping me to get through the day to day. I still don't know exactly how to do it all and I will still struggle... ALOT; but I will no longer accept my anxiety, depression, and codependency as a part of my design. They are a struggle of this life. They are NOT what God created me for!!