A New Year and A New Resolve

I have a love/hate relationship with New Years. I love the thought of the old year ending. I love the finality of a date of year end. Whatever happened or didn't the past year, it holds little weight as I attempt to move forward and focus on the future. 

The "hate" side for me comes from two different places. First of all, I, like a lot of other people, really struggle with change. New is sometimes scary. Actually, most of the time it is! Thinking about what lies ahead is overwhelming at times when we can't actually see what is around the corner. All of the "what-ifs" come flooding into my mind and I struggle to face the new year with encouragement and hope.

The other thing that trips me up around each new year, are resolutions. Every year we put ourselves through this practice of making a New Years resolution. What we will do in the coming year or what we won't do in the coming year. Usually they are based on some flaw that we see in ourselves and want to change. 

We are overweight so we want to diet and exercise. We are tight on money, so we make a resolution to make and stick to a budget. Maybe we want to break a bad habit like smoking or emotional eating; maybe we want to create new "habits". Either way, our goal is to make changes in our lives to attempt to become a better version of ourselves.

From the outside looking in, that doesn't seem like such a bad thing. However, think about your resolutions over the years... how many have you followed through on all year long? Probably not many. 

So, instead of becoming a "better human being", skinnier, less poor, neater, healthier, etc... we have put ourselves in a lose lose situation. Not only have we convinced ourselves that we are no good the way we are (and thus need a resolution to create a change) give it anywhere from a few days to a few months after the clock strikes midnight, and we will also be telling ourselves how weak and terrible we are because we couldn't see our resolution through.

Only the enemy of our soul, our joy and our peace would continue to perpetuate such a sadistic ritual even among those of us who claim this same enemy has no place in our lives.

Maybe that sounds a bit harsh... but it is the truth, at least as I see it. So, I guess that means no resolutions for me? Well, not in a traditional sense, but here is what I am thinking. No resolutions this year, instead, I need a fresh resolve.

There are things that I want to do that I know will make my life better: more regular prayer and quiet time, daily devotional reading, spending more time in the Word of God, journaling (which has been a resolution of mine many years, but I have never been good at following through)... but these things are not a reflection of what I think of myself. They are steps to a closer relationship with Jesus. If that is my end goal, that is all that matters. They journey may deviate from plans... maybe I miss a day of journaling or "quiet time". That doesn't make me a failure or a resolution breaker... It doesn't mean that I failed God and I just can't cut it in this Christian lifestyle. Come on, be honest... how often have you thought you just weren't good enough at your daily quiet time to measure up to those other saints who have perfected their walk with Jesus (I hope you heard the sarcastic tone in my voice as you read that)? What it does mean is that it is just another day, another step in the journey. 

So, if I have to claim a resolution this year, it is this: To follow hard after Jesus, no matter what each day brings. There are tools and action items (to do's) that will help me to accomplish this, but if I make my "resolution" to accomplish xyz each day... read my Bible, Pray, journal, etc... then my goals become my God instead of my God leading me closer to Him (my goal).

My goal is to become closer to my God, not to check all the right things off my to do list. That, my friends, has done nothing for me in the past but create false hope and heartache. This year, I am going after true Hope and Healing!! No regrets and no condemnation!!

"There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit." - Romans 8:1

My resolution is to keep walking after the Spirit wherever and however that journey leads!! I will not reduce God to a New Years check list and I will not let my check list become my god. 

#Goals

#HappyNewYear

#JourneyWithJesus

Give Yourself Some Room to Breathe

We live in a world where technology is ruling and reigning. There are so many things that we rely on technology for and most of us can't imagine life without it. Television, internet, smart phones, and so much more!

While an increase in technology is useful and does make life easier at times, it also makes life more stressful at times too. When your computer freezes up, or your internet won't connect, your phone dies... it can really ruin your day fast!!

I have recently discovered one area of technology though, that gives me more stress than any other. My smart phone. I love my phone! I will willingly admit that I have an addiction to my phone. I struggle to put it down. However, I finally discovered something that has given me a measure of freedom and a slight reduction in stress!!

One of the best things I have done in the last few months is start turning OFF my notifications on my phone. Every ding or vibration or little red number in the corner of an app telling me there is something that I haven't yet seen makes my OCD tendencies take over. I can't concentrate or rest until I see what the new sound is about or until I clear every last red notification off of every last app.

A few months back my life got so crazy that I decided to take a break from Facebook for a while. It was just stressing me out!! I deactivated my account and I deleted the app off my phone. After almost 2 months, I logged back on, but I did not put the app back on my phone. After a little while longer, I downloaded the app again, but I turned the notifications off just for my Facebook.

I only logged on when I decided to, not every time my phone dinged at me or showed me a notification. That was bliss y'all!! I mean, finally, I was controlling my social media instead of letting my social media control me. I stopped worrying about what I was missing and realized I wasn't really missing anything!! Everything was still there when I logged back on.

This made me think about other things that would pop up on my phone. Do I really need to know every single time an email comes in? No, because most of my emails are junk mail that gets deleted anyway. Not many are legit to begin with.

Or how about all those game notifications? I have a few games that I do enjoy playing on my phone, but is it necessary for me to know the very minute my lives are refilled or what today's special deal is in game coins and gems that I am not going to buy anyway? No!!

Then there was other social media like Pinterest. I LOVE Pinterest, I really do!! But the only notifications I really ever got from Pinterest were telling me about friends new boards or pins that I might like. I almost always just cleared the notifications but never really looked at the suggestions.

I kept considering all of my notifications over time. As if this moment, the only notifications that I leave on on my phone is my phone calls and my texts messages. That is it y'all.

I have discovered that not only do I not miss them, I am saving time, energy, and my sanity by just getting onto whatever I want to on my own time. Not anyone or anything else's.

It's bliss!! Seriously!! If you are like me and feel a desperate need to keep your notifications clear and to answer things the minute you get them... give yourself a break and just see how it feels!! Try it for 30 days!! Then come back here and let me know how it goes for you!!

The holidays are a great time to trim your electronic media exposure!! Spend more time with family and less time staring at your phone screen! Try it out!! You might just like it!!

#30DayChallenge
#TimeToRefocus
#TakeYourLifeBack
#SomeThingsCanWait

I Need an Edge

My life is pretty hectic most days. I work full time in a job that quite frankly can be tedious at best. Day in and day out crunching numbers and working with spreadsheets is often times exhausting!

I am also a wife and a mom. A mom to both a teenager and a toddler. Yeah, I am sure God gets a good laugh at setting me up for that!! Parenting toddlers is hard. Parenting teenagers is hard. Parenting both at once is well... insane!!

Housework is never ending, picking up toys, dishes, laundry, picking up toys, cooking, bath time, picking up toys, story time, brushing teeth, changing diaper, and did I mention picking up toys?

Our family is active in our church and also attends Celebrate Recovery 2 nights a week. Boil it all down, and this mom is stretched thin and exhausted all of the time! I drink coffee but it doesn't really seem to help a whole lot. I also am pretty confident that I have a blood sugar issue. Every time a I eat (and it doesn't often matter what I eat) I crash. I either fall asleep or spend a ton of energy fighting sleep. 

What am I hoping for in Plexus Edge?

• Help staying awake during the day
• Energy to complete my laundry list of to do's
• An easier time focusing on the task in front of me
• Less distractions mentally
• Feeling better to even WANT to tackle my to do list

Today is Monday... for this tired and busy mom... on a Monday... I definitely need an edge!! Keep following my blog to find out if it actually works for me!!

Plexus Week 1 Recap

Plexus Slim

I am actually coming up on the two week mark from when I started my Plexus Journey, but I am just going to talk about week 1 right now.

First of all, consistency is key with this product, and I stink at consistency!! HA!! I did struggle to actually take all three products everyday. I would forget, or fall asleep, or something... but I took them as soon as I remembered too!! I will get better at this!!

I can't speak to weight loss yet because I don't have a scale at home. I do have a Wii Fit and I am going to get that set back up and use the weigh in function on it, I just haven't done that yet!! I am not too convinced of it's accuracy, but I guess it would be better than nothing.

One thing I can say with certainty, is that I am sleeping harder (better) than I was before. I am not getting more sleep, but the sleep I am getting is definitely a deeper, better sleep! I am believing that this will continue to improve even more!!

Week 1 is definitely a great indication that some good things are coming!!

Step Study Successes and Life Change

Hi, my name is Brenda, I am a grateful believer in Jesus and I am in Recovery for Anxiety, Depression, Codependency, and Love and Relationship Addiction.

If you come to celebrate recovery (CR) with me, this is what you might hear me say when it is my turn to speak in small group or step study. What I typically don’t say is that I am overcoming self-harm. Not because I won’t admit it, but because for me it has been a result of the Anxiety… so in regards to my recovery, Anxiety recovery has been my focus.

I say that just as a little background info to help you understand the rest of what I want to share today. I began my first ever CR Step Study back in February (I think). I was excited but really had no idea what to expect and honestly didn’t have any real expectations. I thought it could be a good thing, but I wasn’t expecting any major life change.

Last night as I finished my very last written assignment for this Step Study, I realized a few things. First of all, for all the days that I felt like this would never end, I made it!! 9 months later, I made it to the end of Step Study!! WOW!!

Secondly… I really had experienced some life change, it just happened so subtly, one day at a time, one moment at a time, that I hadn’t been able to notice it along the way. So what exactly changed and why?

When I started step study, I would only say that I was in recovery for Anxiety, Depression and Codependency. One change is that I learned that I have a Love and Relationship Addiction. Now, if you don’t know what that is (and it honestly can be different things for different people) let me explain what it is for me.

My husband and I have been together for 15 years, married for 14. We haven’t had a perfect marriage. Life gets in the way and it is HARD! Through the process of Step Study and sharing my inventory with my sponsor, I was lovingly advised, that I had put my husband in the roll of God in my life. That I was hurt by my husband’s shortcomings, but it wasn’t so much because of his shortcomings (we all have them, we are all human) it was because I was depending on him to be for me what only God could be for me. So when he failed (and he would, because no one but God can fill those God size holes in our hearts) then I would be hurt and upset at him. I was holding him to an unreasonable standard. I was depending on my husband to give me the love and security that I thought I needed to be ok, but the only love and security that I need to be ok is the love and security that I can find in Jesus. Now, this is a new revelation to me and I will not say that I have overcome this… but I am now aware of it, and I can work the steps and work on letting God fill those holes… there are plenty that need to be filled!!

The other thing that has happened over the course of this step study, is that I have managed 7 months without using self-harm as a coping mechanism. I hadn’t even really thought about it until the last few weeks. I still have a lot of anxiety and I still have occasional panic attacks, but I have not coped with it using self-harm. That in itself is huge, but considering the fact that the last few months have been the hardest of my life, to say that I have managed to get through the days (and long, dark, HARD nights) without turning to that coping mechanism is pretty huge! THANK YOU JESUS and THANK YOU CELEBRATE RECOVERY!!!

Now for the story of why. The ultimate reason that these things are changing is because of Jesus Christ. He is the only one who I can credit to for this. However, one of the greatest blessings that I believe Jesus gives us in life is community.

Before Step Study, I attended CR but I didn’t make many connections. That wasn’t because the opportunity wasn’t there, but because I really didn’t want to. I struggle with large groups and I usually just feel invisible and do not do a good job at all of reaching outside of myself in those situations. Step Study gave me a community of women to lean on. People to call or text. People to pray. People to love me and become new lifelong friends!!

Along with community, Step Study also gave me accountability. This community of women cared enough to check on me and see how I was doing. I gained a Sponsor to help me along this recovery journey. She has both loved and encouraged me as well as pushed and challenged me.

Step Study has also given me a plan. A written plan for overcoming life’s hurts, habits and hang ups. It has given me tools to use to go from where I am in life to somewhere better! The CR curriculum is amazing, but ultimately what makes it so amazing, is it is a step by step guide to bring me closer to Jesus and allowing him to work on the places inside of me that need healing or need change.

I have a friend who has consistently said, “we weren’t meant to live life alone” and I believe that now more than I ever have before. I am thankful for my new community in Christ. I am thankful for my Step Sisters, both the ones who love on me and the ones who hold my feet to the fire. And I am thankful for my Sponsor. I’m not sure I would have even finished this step study without her, and now I honestly can’t wait until I can sign up for another one!!

Letting Go of Mom Guilt

 

Mom guilt. Every mom I know deals with it on some level or another. Here is a secret that I have recently discovered surrounding mom guilt... The more "mommy articles" that get fed to me through Facebook and other social media, the worse the mom guilt gets.

Did you know that every article you read online isn't always right? Wow, that is a shocker isn't it!! Even if it contains solid advice, it doesn't mean that what you are doing is wrong! Those posts with numbered lists are the worst ones in my opinion for fueling the mom guilt we already struggle enough to get past.

Today I read an article that was called "7 things your child should know how to do before they turn 13". Well now, that is an article worth reading since I have a 13 year old who will actually be 14 here in a couple of weeks. No friends... that was a trap! A judgement trap. As I read this article, my mind immediately started comparing my 13 year old to this online list. Some of the things he knows how to do and does, some of them he doesn't. That immediately made me start judging myself and thinking that I haven't taught him enough in life.

And then reality hit... who is to say what he needs to know by the time he is 13? I am pretty sure that is my job as his mom and not the job of some random person out in cyberspace to tell me how much my child is lacking. He knows a lot and he can fend for himself when necessary. He can do his own laundry and cook basic meals. He may not mow the lawn or do major projects around the house, but he is 13! He isn't the adult in the house. He has chores and he has responsibilities. He is a well rounded kid.

We don't have to buy into this type of mom guilt! There are plenty of legitimate reasons to question ourselves as moms, we don't need an internet article to make us question even more!!

So, next time you see an article titled, "10 things your toddler should master before their 3rd birthday" do yourself a favor and just skip reading it!! I mean, we all know that our babies grow and learn at exactly the same pace, right? We did know that didn't we? Oh wait... no... our babies are human beings! They are each unique and no two babies are exactly alike! They don't grow teeth at the same pace or eat new foods at the same pace. They don't learn to use the potty at the same time (ask me about this week's potty training story if you want to know what we are currently facing in our home... you will laugh... I didn't, but you will!!) or learn to speak at the same pace. They are their own unique person and that is MORE THAN OK!! Celebrate your babies for who God made them to be!! Love them for who they are!!

When you are finished loving on them, love yourself too for the fantastic mom that you are!! From one mom to another... You are loved, you are beautiful, and you are an absolutely AMAZING mom to your babies!! You feed them, you clothe them, you love them, you educate them... you my friend are ROCKING this mom thing!!

Triplex Day 1

Today is day one of my Plexus Journey!! There were only two times prior to today that I have taken any Plexus products. Once was when I had a really bad headache and a coworker of mine offered me pack of her Plexus Slim to try to see if it helped. The other time, I participated in a Plexus Facebook party and won a 3 day sample of Triplex. I say that to say that while I have had some exposure to Plexus in the past, I have never committed to taking their products long term until now.

Since it is only day one, I can't tell a whole lot so far. I have been really tired today, but I don't think that is because of the Plexus. I don't get a lot of sleep most nights and all my nights of little sleep are catching up to me!!

Since I just started taking these supplements, instead of talking about changes in me (that aren't there now but will definitely come in time) I wanted to just share with you what products are in the Triplex and how I am going to be taking them. I will also include links to them on the website so you can see the labels and everything that is in them.

First up is the Plexus Slim "Pink Drink". The package directions say to take this up to twice a day 30-60 minutes before a meal. It comes in a small drink mix packet. You just tear it open and mix it with a bottle of water! Super EASY!!

The taste is good! It definitely isn't hard to drink. It is a raspberry, lemon, watermelon flavor combination. Not too shabby at all!!

For now, I am just going to drink this once a day. I am drinking this first thing in the morning before breakfast. (Although, in the spirit of honesty, I rarely actually eat breakfast anyway)!

The next part of the Triplex is the Bio Cleanse. This product is supposed to help clean out your intestinal tract. It is a mild detox and cleanse supplement designed to reduce gas, bloating and discomfort and help promote regularity.

The package directions say to take 2 of these supplements twice a day in between meals. I took one dose at 10 AM and will take the other one around 3 PM.

ProBio 5 is the last of the three products in the Triplex Combo. It is designed to help restore balance to your gut! It is a probiotic and is supposed to be taken either with a meal or at bedtime.

Since I haven't taken this yet, I can't give much feedback on it today, but I will take it when I go to bed tonight.

The last part of this equation is water, water, and way more water!! Ha!! This will be a challenge for me but so far I have had about 64 ounces today! That is still not enough, but it is far more than I normally drink.


The Journey has only begun for me and I really am excited to see some change from the inside out!!