I
have been sick this week with a sinus infection/cold. I realized as I
was sitting in the doctors office waiting to see the doctor, that I had
not been to my primary care doctor in over a year. The outcome was the
same both visits, diagnosis of a sinus infection/cold and a prescription
for a z pack to help clear it all up.
While both
visits to my primary care doctor seemed in their charts to be similar or
even identical, they were very different experiences for me. The reason
I made the appointment over a year ago, was because I felt miserable. I
was convinced that I had the flu. I was sick, yes, but I was so drained
and tired. I had no energy, and my symptoms felt way worse than a
common cold. I felt like I had been run over by a mack truck!! I ended
up home from work for an entire week just for a sinus infection.
I
left puzzled that all it was was a sinus infection. Grateful, but
puzzled. Why did I feel so awful? What was causing the dramatic
difference between how I felt and my reality?
After a
week or so, I was feeling some better but still very tired. About two
weeks after that, I found out that I was pregnant with my daughter! Not
just newly pregnant, but 16 weeks pregnant!! Whoa!! After the shock of
that wore off a little bit, I thought back to me being sick. I realized
that I felt so much worse than I actually was, because of the pregnancy
and I just didn't know it at the time.
Fast forward to
this week's visit. I took one day off work to rest, but was back at work
this morning. A coworker asked me how I was feeling... then she asked
me if I was pregnant again!! I answered that with a big fat NO!!
This
all got me thinking. Life is a lot like this sometimes. We have some
issue in our life, some circumstance, some problem to solve and it seems
so hard. It is the elephant in the room. It makes us so tired and worn
out. It makes us feel so bad and we think that it is the worst thing
that we have ever faced. What we don't realize, is that there is
something else inside of us that is contributing to the weight of the
problem. There is way more to it that what you see on the surface.
I
am not very far into this journey to freedom. I have a long way to go.
But I feel like Jesus is showing me this week, that finding freedom from
what is holding you back and weighing you down, is similar to birthing a
baby. Reaching down deep into the inner, most deepest holes in your
soul, and pulling out whatever is in there. Once it is out, in the
light, no longer suppressed, then life will begin to get easier. Everyday
circumstances won't seem like World War III anymore.
Birthing
a baby is process. 9 months of pregnancy and varying degrees of time
and difficulty for the delivery of every baby born. Everyone is
different and everyone's story and process will be different. It won't
be quick and it won't be easy, but I am convinced that it will be worth
it!! Once the process is through, then when life throws a sinus
infection your way, it will feel more like a regular sinus infection,
and less like the flu.
